Tuesday, July 27, 2010

How to be a Man: Be John Lamb

John Lamb doesn't kill two birds with one stone. He kills all birds with his fastball.

John Lamb doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

John Lamb isn't politically correct. John Lamb is always correct with his fastball.

John Lamb doesn't sleep. He waits to strikeout Major League hitters.

The original opening sequence for Saving Private Ryan was going to feature Tom Hanks standing in the batter's box against John Lamb, but the director's deemed it to intense for audiences.

Scientists estimate that the energy given off from the big bang can only be rivaled by the devasting force of a John Lamb outpitch.

When you are facing John Lamb anything + anything = 1. One trip back to the dugout.

Since August 6, 1945, John Lamb hasn't been allowed to pitch in Japan.

John Lamb once successfully separated conjoined twins with a fastball.

The only thing John Lamb has ever missed? Bats.

The Biblical image of the Lion and the Lamb was loosely based off John Lambs first trip to the zoo. The Lion was scared to death of Lamb's fastball.

There are only two things that cut diamonds: other diamonds, and John Lamb's fastball.

John Lamb was what Willis was talking about.

"Let the Bodies hit the Floor" was originally inspired by John Lamb's chin music.

Life is like a box of chocolates. Well if you are facing John Lamb life is like a box of outpitches that will ultimately send you back to the bench.

Because of John Lamb the Texas League has considered new rules in which anyone named John Lamb isn't allowed to pitch. They figure it is the only way to ensure competitive balance.

That's right the news just came in tonight. John Lamb has been promoted to Northwest Arkansas. I couldn't be happier for him and his family. I look forward to seeing him live as soon as possible. He hasn't had the easiest road as a prospect, and he is sure to know that it won't get easier. But I'm putting my money on John Lamb everytime.

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